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Far From Home Blog

Rewind

As I’m sitting here eating my sandwich dinner while studying, I am suddenly craving that Mongolian beef dish from Pei Wei in Fairfax. Ah. I loved it so much. And how did I not think of going back there when we were in the states for a visit last Christmas.

I’m sitting here thinking about rewinding time.

This morning I yelled about 98% of the morning at my one child who wouldn’t stop laughing. It just wasn’t in me to be kind. My heart was dealing with anger and my words and tone were hurtful. She was laughing and I was yelling. I want to go back and do it over.

So many recent things have happened that has given me similar thoughts of wanting to push a rewind button. Some things much bigger. Two young ladies we have known recently died. An accident and a suicide. A few days ago a missionary family who was planning on working with our friends in Nagoya we all killed in a tragic car accident. All five of them.

Where is the rewind button?

But while eating a few minutes ago, I read an article on conflict. I think my soul is ready to soak up any words at this point. Any words that are true. And we need truth in days like these. It said that we need to view conflict as a door to closeness. Now I’m not thinking about conflict, but that rewind button. A door to closeness?
Yes. Being near to Christ. Our relationship with Christ, where we see more of our need and cling closer to Him. Heaven becomes sweeter as the earth continues to disappoint, taste bitter, and sin is always lingering in our hearts. My desired rewind button is an opportunity for closeness to Christ. Without it I would be becoming more self-sufficient, not seeing my need for a Savior, and probably never savoring the hope of heaven with Him.

I grieve and really just sit here in disbelief about all the recent news. I also struggle with petty things that take over my heart and my day and my joy. Big things and little. But, thanks to God, who planned for Christ to redeem us, give us hope, and close His hand around us.

Cling to Him with me? I need this today.

6 comments

Naomi - August 4, 2016 Reply

Do you want me to go eat some Pei Wei for you? I will. And also this post. Thanks it was so good and exactly what I need to hear. And I almost teared up, shame. Please blog more. Love you!

Pamela Hanner - August 4, 2016 Reply

Emma
Thank you for sharing this today. It was good for my heart to ponder on these thoughts. I often think start overs or rewinds would be nice Makes me cling to my Savior more tightly knowing he has a purpose in everything.

Bethanie Mintz - August 4, 2016 Reply

Ditto to the above comments. God spoke to me through your words this morning. I often find myself short tempered with my family when I feel out of control and overwhelmed with suffering and pain and difficulty in lives around me. But we serve a God who is in control even when we can’t see the purpose behind the hard things. Praying for you.

Mary O - August 4, 2016 Reply

Oh Emma. I saw the news about the missionary family and my heart broke. I knew they were going to be added to your “family” of missionaries to that sweet country and was heartbroken for their family and you. I was comforted by what their church said: they are more alive now than before. That’s so true! but so hard for us left behind. This event, added to the other losses in your life, can feel so overwhelming. We stand in prayer with you, dear sister. You are not alone, no matter how far apart we are in miles. When you are hurting, not only is God there holding you, caressing you, and waiting to fill your hurting soul, but we are here praying, interceding, and loving you. Always let us know how best to pray for you. It strengthens us too when we come together as a group to pray. In fact it reminds me of a picture I once saw of little ants climbing on top of each other to make a huge mountain so that the topmost ant could reach the top of something. We are like those ants and hopefully our mountain of prayer helps you reach the top (the Savior’s comfort). Hugs to you sweet Emma.

Laura Briggs - August 4, 2016 Reply

Grieving with you, sister, in all the terrible, seemingly-senseless things that happen, and trusting with you, in the One Who knows why. Thanks for sharing.

Christy - August 4, 2016 Reply

Emma!!! Yes to your words and Yes to the other comments! Life is full of such endless pain and sin is ever before us…BUT Christ is bigger and enough and has the victory, and we get to celebrate with Him because we are IN Him. Oh what sweet reminders! Thank you for sharing your longing for do-overs…oh how we need His grace and new mercies! Thank you dear friend and we will continue to cover you all in prayer.

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